When Alexandra Brighton first takes the eyes of Ramey Sandeley she is newly married and believes she is in love with her husband. She has been taught to accept a superficial concept of what love means, and her husband,Matthew Brighton, has the perfect pedigree. He is highly attractive, successful, well educated, and offers all the worldly goods one could desire. Yet, when she looks into the eyes of Ramey, she feels a dormant part of herself come alive, and nothing matters except the wild brilliance of this feeling. Ramey is also wildly handsome, successful, and newlywed. But there is a vast difference between the two. At their first meeting something both terrible and wonderful happens.

 
For the first time in her life, Alexandra comes viciously alive and experiences an explosive desires to run away with this stranger and free herself of the material world.   She's seized by fantasies of riding with him on a winged Pegasus or flying carpet to a world devoid of society - where there are only the two, nature, and nothing else but candlelight, moonlight, bonfires, forbidden writings, crashing waves, thunder, chilling rain, strange bazaars, burning sands, exotic plains, skin on skin, dangerous animals, bareback rides, swinging through trees, danger, inside and out.

 
In a startling flash, she realizes she is daily judged and heavily reined in by the world around her and nearly owned by a husband who is more master than equal lover. It's now infinitely clear she doesn't even know her husband, let alone understand the nature of his soul. Yet Ramey speaks to her without words - and those unspoken words are powerful. Alexandra has found a true love for her lost soul, but the possibility of their union cannot be achieved until she has claimed the right to this kind of love. And, this will involve many years of great hardship, trials and sorrow.

 
True Love comes unexpected and unbidden, and when it strikes it  both destroys and creates. It will not be denied. For those who settle for less there is no journey. For those who are bestowed the gift and choose to follow, there is a heavy price to pay. It will be nearly thirteen years before Alexandra once again lays eyes on the man who destroyed what she believed an idyllic life, and awakened the brutality of  true love.  Her days on Black Lake will further peal away the layers of her encased soul to release the divinely idyllic within - the spot where True Love unites. 

Anastasia Blackwell

Alexandra encounters a number of female predators in her journey through Black Lake. In the beginning she is as drawn in by the predatory women as the males. However, as she evolves she learns to disengage and reclaim a more powerful womanhood, based on a higher purpose and the values of dignity, self respect and a desire to foster the best in all relationships.

Female predators in the wild can be as vicious as any male.  They come in many forms, from the vicious wild cats to the shy Black Widow who catches her prey in a messy looking web, and who may or may not kill and eat her mate after he has helped her reproduce.  The human female predator can be just as vicious and toxic.  These women are not usually particular about prey - they can be any sex, race or age, as long as they feed their needs.  However, it is the mate who must be particularly careful - for she is unquenchable.   The dominance of the female predator is often masked, camouflaged to fit in with the territory. Like all successful predators, this kind of female knows how to spot vulnerability, and neediness.  Then, when the guard is down, she goes for the jugular.

          But, first there is the stalk - she feeds your ego, laughs at your jokes,  understands your needs, sexual and otherwise.  What you don't know is she is a master at camouflage and subtrefuge.   She's an emotional roller coaster, exciting, intriguing. Or perhaps the girl is quite demure - it all depends on the nature of the hunt.  Regardless of  manifestation, she will become a mirror of what you are looking for, and understand and need you like no other. This is the early part of the stalk.  Once she's got you by the neck, you won't see her look at you with enticement.

A predator never looks into the eyes of the prey once the victim is taken.

 At journey's end Alexandra will have outwitted one of these predators and guided another to gain what she desires through self actualization.

ALL  GLORY COMES

          FROM

DARING TO BEGIN 

At the moment Alexandra Brighton takes the eyes of Ramey Sandeley in the desert, she sees all the mysteries of the universe and also a terrifying demon that mirrors something she fears in herself.

When I first began to fly on the trapeze, I was dealing with my own fears, while attempting to fully understanding and convey the fierce struggle Alexandra was undergoing. One day, after weeks of failed attempts; I forced myself to disengage my fear and trust another to catch me in mid air. I came home after my first catch and wrote this:

It stood high above me, this wild and beautiful creature - a species unknown to me before this moment. Its body was powerful and crouched in a manner unlike a human animal, and had the most magnificent pair of wings of had ever seen. My mind could not comprehend the attraction for this strange being - yet something in me did. I wanted to escape, to bolt to safety, because it terrified me in a way I wanted to be terrified - but dared not! I gazed into unfathomable eyes that brought to life a darker being lurking within me. In that moment, I realized my demon must be released, or it would devour me from the inside out.

The creature beckoned me to ascend to its perch. Fighting against a wall of near impenetrable fear, I began the climb, beyond mortal heights, to the place where only creatures with wings would dare to land. When I reached edge of the pedestal, he pulled me up and drew me against him. The energy radiating from his body was overwhelming. The intensity of my internal struggle forced me into a fugue state, with flashes of dreams, as though I were about to fall into a deep sleep.

"Take the leap," I heard it say from somewhere far away.  "Accept your fear. It will always be with you, but you must learn to make it your friend. I promise I will catch you. Give me your trust and you will be safe." The creature descended and I was left alone - standing on what seemed the earth's highest peak.

 Nearly drunk with trepidation, I let out a strangled cry and jumped with wild abandon into the abyss.  Flying into the void, like a bird taking its first flight from the nest,  I soared into the sky for a breaf moment and began to fall. As I began my descent, I felt the grasp of the most powerful hands imaginable.  It was the first time in my life I felt the grasp of hands that pulled me up. My heart exploded in that moment, as I looked up into the eyes of the Creature. We flew together, in union, in an eternity of seconds, until he told me I was safe to let go.

What I Want – A Manifesto

      What I want is to love with pure abandon and animal instinct.  

      What I want is to love to others in a way that feeds them and makes them feel strong, enabled and secure. 

      What I want is to teach my children to own their voice - to become adults free to express themselves in their own unique way.  I want to create a nest that will stay with them as long as they live - as they face the wonderful and terrible challenges of life. I want them to shake up the world and make it a place where freedom of personal expression is embraced by everyone, not just the select few. I want them to fight for the oppressed and raise the consciousness of those who take power through oppression.  

       What I want is to touch the soft skin  and look into the innocent eyes of a newborn baby, and to look into the gleaming wrinkled orbs of one who has lived long -  to learn about the journey that will take me to the end of my days. 

       What I want is to express all I am, my creativity, my spirituality, my zest for life, my fears about life, my hopes and dreams for the future, my desire to change the status quo, to search out new and different ways to live.

      What I want is to understand all around me, the animals, birds, fish trees, insects, and the unseen life that share our world. I want to soar with the birds and swim with the dolphins.  I want to dive into the mysterious world beneath the oceans and the lakes, to look for pirates booty hidden in ancient ships covered with barnacles and moss.  I want to protect the creatures of the earth and to understand them and their unique societies.

       What is want is to investigate and probe into the past, into the peoples of past ancient societies.  I want to find the secret mysteries of the ages hidden in codes and relics of the past.  I want to help them resonate and be heard once more.  I want to make the words set in stone, tablet and parchment come to life.

       What I want is to try everything once and a few things many times more, to renew my passion.  I want to feel the rush of adrenaline as I swing through the trees and run through the paths of the jungle.  I want to drive a convertible fast through hot, dusty towns, and feel the sun burn my skin and the wind whip through my hair.  I want to stop next to a waterfall by a lazy stream and love my mate with the sun smiling down upon us – like Eden – like we had returned to the Garden of Eden.

       What I want is to find the most exotic and beautiful our earth has to offer - crusty glaciers, jagged mountains, pillows of snow, blue ice and burnt earth, deep craters, dense jungles, glorious red sunsets, burning hot sands, and torrential rains.  I want to walk with naked feet on the burning sands of the desert, and to stride from the warm azure waters onto the sugary sand of a tropical beach.  I want to run from the natives, and have them catch me and carry me to the Chief, who will teach me his wizardry and the secret ways of those who have lived with the earth and nature for millions of years.

      What I want is to touch the finest silks, and drink the finest champagne, and taste the richest and most delectable foods that the finest chefs have to offer.  I want to see all of the great art of the world – in every museum, to hear the great masters of every form of music, to see and touch the rarest of gems, to watch actors make me gasp and cry and want to live on the stage – because they are so alive and so human.

      What I want is to ride a horse free, without reins, bucking and snorting and galloping through the plains, through the habitat of the natives.  I want to know their customs of the tribes, their secrets and to dance with them around their bonfires.  I want to sleep in a tent and hear the roars of the lions in the Serengeti, to ride a camel to the base of a pyramid, to sit in a teepee warmed by a bonfire in the desert, and to join the shaman as they cast their spells at the peak of a mountain near Machu Pichu.

      What I want is to believe that there are extra terrestrials.  I want to learn what they have to teach me.  I want to walk a crop circle and feel the energy and try to understand the mathematics that it teaches – to square the circle, to learn more able DNA, to learn about how we are all the same and yet, so remarkably different.

      What I want is to change the world in some small way, to help revolutionize the way people think about their lives – to help them understand this is only a small blink of time and the mores and customs we thing invicible, are only that - just mores and customs - not the word of God written in tablets of stone.

      What I want is to be uncensored about how I spend my time,money, or my life.  I want to to love anyone who inspires my creativity or my physical passion.  I wish no to be defined by age,physical characteristics or social status.

      What I want is to understand the spiritual elements of life.  I want to get closer to God and whatever else is out there to guide and elevate me to a higher plane of consciousness.  I want to find the divine in myself and in my mate and all of the creatures of earth.  I want to be taken up into the clouds, into the heaven of spiritual delights.  I want to know ecstasy here on earth.

      What I want is to tame the predator in me, and to give the victim the strength it needs to search for power in action and self realization.

      What I want is to forgive those who have transgressed against me, who have victimized and treated me with disregard as they fed themselves what they needed to prosper and survive.  I want to help these people find the light, help them find the brightness in themselves to nourish and protect them, so that they no longer need me to sustain them.

      What I want is to share my passions and visions, hopes and dreams for the future in all of my relationships.  And particularly I want to share this with my mate.  I want my mate to accept all that I am and to take me deeper into myself.  I want to look into eyes that are as deep as the sky, promising new worlds to explore, never-ending possibilities.  I want to be fearless with this person.  I want to take their hand and learn to fly.

      What I want is to find the “diamond” that is now hidden from me; the one that is not easily found, but when discovered is strong and brilliant and everlasting.  And when I find that “person”, I want to create a light together that will transform the world.  

      What I want is Peace – a peace that is pure and beautiful.  I want a peace that is not an oasis in the desert, but rather, a way of living, a way of living life that is simple, and real and true.

      ALL I WANT - is to be me.

     What do you want? 

Anastasia Blackwell

  Paradigms for women are terribly outmoded.   Shall we stay at home, or shall we work?  Neither glamorous options, most would admit.  There is rarely the sense of purpose, romance and danger in the nest, or the sterility of the workplace. So, the marketplace becomes the focal point of passion, a place to feel the rush of something beautiful and new.  Unfortunately, nothing bought can sooth the hungry soul.  Our closets overstocked; we have nothing to wear.  As Andre Labat advises Alexandra in The House on Black Lake, “The self must first be known before it can be clothed or accessorized.”

But the old ways are crumbling, and as we fear the loss of our power to obtain goods, we are actually gaining the power to attain something far greater.  As women delve deeper into themselves and begin to take the heroine’s journey, a new paradigm will evolve – a far richer reality, incorporating creativity, artistry, self expression, fearlessness, adventure and possibly fierce romantic love. 

In Maureen Murdock’s book, The Heroines Journey, she writes, “In the myth of romantic love, a woman is said to search for a father/lover/savior she thinks will solve all her problems.  The unspoken message is - I don’t have to figure out what I want to do.  I can live his life.” Men comply with the societal expectation that they take care of a woman and protect her from taking her own journey. They perpetuate the belief that she need not take a heroic journey. A man’s sense of self is enhanced by rescuing a woman.  Women are waiters.  Women are trained into a sense of expectancy.”

Women have not been taught how to take their Heroine’s Journey.

“In most fairy tales the woman is taken out of her state of waiting, her state of unconsciousness, and dramatically and instantly transformed for the better.  The catalyst for the magical change is usually a man.  Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty, Eliza Doolittle all share variations of the same prince.  When the transformation of the heroine really occurs, however, it is usually the result of not rescue from without but of strenuous growth from within, and over a long period of time.”

 The journey comes first, like the Hero, and the voyage of discovery leads to personal riches.

The transformation of the heroine is what leads to romance – it cannot happen until she is whole.

Anastasia Blackwell

I grew up in a damp town in the Pacific Northwest, much like the one protrayed in the novel, Twilight. And, like author, Stephanie Meyer, the characters and plot of my book came from the fabric of my dreams and subconcious flights of fancy.  In fact, she brought her hand to paper (or keyboard) at nearly the same time I was drawn to tell my tale.  My inspiration was the experience of being rowed out and left to stay in an abandoned Victorian on an island.  So terrifying, it stayed with me and germinated for many years, until I was ready to take a journey to the underworld.

Twilight is a teen's tale, written for the young adult market, yet has drawn women of all ages. My novel, The House on Blake Lake is written with the mature woman in mind - but I hope it will also be of interest to teenager girls.  Both reflect the hunger women (and many men) feel to fully experience hidden desires and powers.  During my formative years, living in a mill town on the Oregon coast,  the only source of passion and drama (beyond the screen) was in church.  My passions repressed, the tortured characters in the stained glass lived out full lives - fearless, brave, strong, sensual, erotic, blessed, and tortured. There were miracles and magic, candles burning and the smells of the exotic. Their's was a world both horribly repressed and viciously carnal.  The seeds of all we wished for, but could not have,was contained in the sainted images of those gothic structures.

In this time of transformation, as institutions falter and the gatekeepers waver on the precipice, it is possible to be brave and fight one's way from the underground - in a Neo Gothic Resurrection.  This is a time where the old rules can be broken and those who wish can seek to fulfill their most creative desires.  The damsal in distress has been replaced by a new kind of woman - a strong and independent human being with a thirst to unite with those who will empower her.  We all seek to be complete and this can only happen through our own resurrection and transformation.  Truth is Beauty and Beauty Truth. In Twilight, as in The House on Black Lake, it is a woman's hunger for love and union that brings out what is most beautiful inside and gives us the strength to own our  true essence.

 Our hunger is our beauty.

Anastasia Blackwell